In Love…& In Danger
Dating violence: A safety plan
The following information is the result of a joint project with OCTEVAW and Family Services à la famille Ottawa.
Think about it!
Are you in love and in danger?
Unhealthy Relationship Quiz
If most of these ring true for you, you may be in an abusive and/or violent relationship.
You can’t talk to anyone else because your boyfriend, girlfriend or partner is so jealous.
You are afraid to disagree with your boyfriend, girlfriend or partner.
Your boyfriend, girlfriend or partner demands to know where you are and who you are with at all times.
Your boyfriend, girlfriend or partner criticizes your friends.
You are criticized about how you look, how you act, and what you do.
You continually apologize for your boyfriend, girlfriend or partner.
Your boyfriend, girlfriend or partner frequently puts you down either when you are alone or in front of others.
You are frightened of your boyfriend, girlfriend or partner’s temper.
You become secretive or ashamed of your relationship.
Get Out Fast When…
She/he/they expresses anger through violence.
She/he/they pressures you sexually through force or threats.
She/he/they threatens to hurt you, your friends, your family and/or your pet(s).
She/he/they hits you and says it will never happen again.
She/he/they threatens to kill you or commit suicide.
While Deciding What To Do
Stay in touch with your friends; and, make a point to spend time
with people other than your boyfriend, girlfriend or partner
Stay involved in activities that you enjoy. Don’t stop doing
things that you enjoy or that make you feel good about yourself.
Make new friends. Increase your support network.
Plan for safety. Take a self-defense course. (Some courses are designated as gender specific.)
Consider looking into resources at your school or in the community.
Think about joining a support group or calling a crisis line.
When You Are With Your Partner
Try not to be alone with him/her/them, or to be alone in an
isolated or deserted location.
Go out to public places.
Try to double date or to go out with a group of people.
Let other people know what your plans are and where you’ll be.
Try not to be dependent on him/her/them for a ride.
Trust your instincts. If you feel you are in danger, call the police.
Get help immediately. Do not brush off your fears.
Plan for your safety
Whether the abuse is emotional, sexual or physical, you deserve to be in a healthy, equal, and safe relationship! If you feel you may be at risk, let someone you trust know if you are concerned about safety in your relationship.
Who can help?
In school:
Guidance Counsellor
Social Worker
Psychologist
Staff or Teacher you trust
Police Resource Officer
You many be able to talk to your parents or friends. For your own safety, don’t keep abuse a secret—reach out!
Remember, if the person you tell makes you feel bad, tell someone else. You deserve support, and it is better to be safe than sorry.
If you decide to break up with your abusive partner…
Make sure you are in a safe place. Do it over the phone, and make sure there are people nearby who can hear and see you.
Have someone who can support you in your break up, and talk to about how you feel after the break up.
If you think your parents will be supportive, let them know about the break up so they can help you with safety planning.
At School:
Consider changing your lock or locker.
Choose another route to school.
Use a buddy system for going to school, classes, and after school activities.
Consider rearranging your class schedule.
Talk to teachers/counsellors at school about your situation so they also can look out for your safety. They can help ensure you are not placed in a working group with your ex, and allow you to sit further away from your ex if you have the same class together.
Your teachers/counsellors can also ensure that your ex does not harass you during class. Go to teachers and trusted staff if harassment becomes a problem during breaks.
Remaining “friends” with your ex can increase your level of risk. This often results in returning to the abusive relationship.
At Home:
Try not to be alone at home. If you are alone at home,
make sure the doors are locked and the windows are secure.
Consider telling your parents or other family members about
what is happening. They can help you screen telephone
calls or visitors.
Keep this list of phone numbers with you. Add to it names
of supportive friends who you can call when you are upset.
Also…
Consider keeping a journal describing the abuse or threats
with dates and times. If your ex continues to harass you, or
follow you (stalking), this information will help later if you want
to contact the police.
Keep your cell phone on you and charged. Make sure to carry
change for a pay phone. Remember, dialing 911 is FREE!
Give back or get rid of any items you have that belong to the
abuser (e.g. cell phones, t-shirts, CD’s). You may choose to do
this through a friend.
Know who you can call if you are stranded or need a
ride home quickly.
Consider applying for a restraining order.
Think of a code word you can use with your friends
if you are in trouble.
Do not go anywhere alone or agree to meet alone with
your ex, even if she/he just wants to “talk.”
If you need to go places you think your ex might be,
take a friend or family member with you.
If you contact the police…
In an emergency, call 911! Remember, it’s Free!
If not an emergency, call (613) 230-6211
If you have just been assaulted, or the assault is in progress, call 911. Police will respond and they will likely arrest the abuser, or try to find the abuser to place him/her under arrest.
If you want to report past abuse/assault, or to report harassment or stalking, police will ask you for a witness statement. A statement is your detailed story about what happened. Your report will be given to an investigator, who will look into your report more closely.
Find out what your case number is, and what investigator was given your case so that you can contact them later to get an update on what is going on with your report. If reasonable grounds exist, the police will lay charges.
For more information about the investigation or court process, you can call Victim/Witness Assistance at (613) 239-1229.